Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Im 18 and i don't have a life?

My whole life ive been trapped and i can't seem to trust anyone anymore. I have very few friends and i have a part time job. I dont have a car to drive around with and i feel frustrated at the fact that many of the friends i hang with are out having fun and going to parties. I was not invited to one grad party this summer and during days when i don't work im usually not doing sh**. Im also frustrated with family issues that are going on in my life. Im working my off at my job just to save up for a car and i can't seem to stick with the friends i hang with. I feel like im not worth living for and all my life ive put up with this. I can't see why people don't want to understand this and that my life is also hard. I also found a new group of friends to hang with and tried to text them or message them and i dont get a response. I get jealous because the very few friends i have party and do sh** on the weekends. I question myself as to why i never had that chance because i've tried to make friends but all they do is backstab me. My parents are frustrated with the same sh** thats going with me and that i dont have a life. Im either working my job, going on the computer or sleeping during the day lol. I wish i could just get out there and meet people that i can trust and have fun with. I'll occasionally hang with my friends but its still not enough because i hate living at home. I grew up having to live with this because i live in a duplex. My parents are not "rich" and i really have tried to make friends but couldn't. Im almost to being depressed because of this. Im fuking stuck with my life and im proud at the fact i graduated with a regents diploma. Im sick of hearing people talk smack about me, i come to think that this world is about negativety. Im going camping in a couple of weeks which is great but i still want that time to have fun with my friends before we all go off to college. Im bothered by this because everyday im doing nothing and i sometimes like to imagine having that fun life that everyone else has but it gets to me sometimes. I wish my life could change so people can hang around me, i know i have a few issues that are going on with me but people insist to continue to walk away from me. I can't sit here and have people doing this to me my whole life because i eventually will need a girl that will care about me when the time comes. Why do people constantly treat me like this, i also think to myself that they should try to live my life. I can't live my life like this, i need to have fun now because life is too short. I need advice so i can gain my confidence back up.

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